Tis the season to be busy and tis the season for Christmas music. I'm reporting from having been to Church this morning where we sang traditional Carols... you know, the good kind. The kind you hear in Church, except for "The Angel Gabriel", sort of. "Angel Gabriel" is a traditional tune, but, every time I hear it, my mind hears Sting in what is perhaps the most beautiful renditions of a traditional tune played on commercial radio. Well done. Now, bring on Christmas Eve!
Two of my disfavorite Christmas tunes deserve a special mention at this time. For one, the background music at Lowe's has only infected our shoppers with "Wonderful Christmastime" only 2.5 times. The point 5 time was when somehow there was played a different arrangement of that insipid Christmas tune. Not quite as cheery. Just different. Don't get me wrong, I love Sir Paul. It's just that that tune gets under my skin every time I hear it. Oh, and the Dallas Morning News ran a picture and a story of someone who should be shot - the guy who wrote "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer". Can you believe it? THAT stupid song has been with us for 30 years!!! I'm contemplating blowing the picture up and pasting it on a dart board. Oh well, can't be too harsh on the man. He has to make a living too, I guess.
Time was when I used to infect those around me with song parodies like the ones in Mad Magazine. Part of my misspent childhood. I still do so every once in a while and I will infect you now with a bit of doggerel to the tune that was sung by a hefty '60s folk singer:
Have a great generic Christmas,
It's the best time of the year.
All the fans of the major brands,
Won't let me have your ear!
Have a great generic Christmas,
And as you walk down the street,
Just say no to brands you know
You just may get a treat!
Head for the Dollar Store for food that's a little bit old,
Turn off the TV, now and don't listen to what you're told!
There's where I left off. Ran out of steam at that point. I have a couple of other Christmas songs, one with and one without a tune. With the tune (known only in my head) is this little -ahem- tribute to another famous singer:
I wanna spend Christmas, with Elvis in Heaven,
I wanna spend New Years in His mighty gaze,
I wanna spend time with The King,
Cause I know it will bring,
My best ever holiday!
I wanna see angels throng round and adore Him,
I wanna watch Elvis as he answers prayers,
I wanna be with The King,
As order he brings,
To earthly and heavenly affairs!
And I know when Mohammed and Jesus are fighting,
It's gonna be Elvis who pulls them apart,
And I just know, should I fall,
He'll answer my call,
And heal all the pain in my heart!
I guess that I'll be burning in hell for that little ditty... not really in the Christmas spirit, except when you look at a calendar and see that a week after Christmas is New Year's day, and a week after that is, you may note this, Elvis' Birthday!
Finally, thank goodness, is one I knocked out rather recently, what with all the talk about the new adventures of Tiger Woods, this is sort of a freebie for some singer who hasn't done the trip to the studio in July to do the Christmas thing:
This is my obligatory Christmas song,
You don't have to listen to it very long,
Keeps my fan base going big and strong,
This is my obligatory Christmas song.
I have some idea about what you hear,
About my personal life the preceding year,
But in November and December I'll look my best,
But come January first, it's back to the mess!
Some mention of Santa, reindeer or bells,
Should be in here somewhere, cause those images sell,
Merry Christmas should be mentioned here, too,
Just pay no attention I'm a practicing Jew.....
Sir Paul, I understand is good with a tune. Maybe he could be forwarded this blog (without the slam of "Wonderful Christmastime") and use this next year. Just remember, Paul, you saw it here first!
Be Seeing You!
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